I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter... That I'm actually not missing out on anything. That everything will be fine, that I'm getting the same care that I would anywhere else, even if I did have insurance/money.
It's just disappointing.
I got some bad news this morning. The Clinic that I've been going to? The one for poor people who go there when they don't have money and are waiting on Medicaid and to be transferred out?
And nobody stays there 'til they are full term? Yeah. That one?
They will be seeing ME until I'm full term.
The Women's Health Clinic that I was going to go to actually 'made a mistake', and that appointment that I thought I had, I didn't, and when they tried to reschedule it, it wouldn't be for another 6 weeks, and OF COURSE I would be too far along by then to start seeing a BRAND NEW doctor.
What does that mean? Community Clinic for me until my precious little girl is born.
Oh, and that a stranger, whom I've never met, will be delivering my baby.
It took me an hour after hearing this news to calm down and realize that it's really not as bad as I think it is. And to not cry whenever I thought about it.
It just doesn't seem fair. I want the best for my little girl, for this pregnancy, and here we are, having to struggle so much because we simply do not have $10,000 to give birth to a baby!
It's very frustrating, to say the least. The stigma that's placed on women with Medicaid isn't right. We get treated differently, and I would almost be willing to bet that's what happened here.
Sometimes, Life just isn't fair.
And the moment I hold that precious little baby girl in my arms? I know the last thing from my mind will be how we got here, to this moment. (Or really anything other than that little bundle of amazing-ness)
And... Thank the UNIVERSE for Ed.
I called him after I got off the phone, and I was just bawling. Uncontrollably. (I mean, c'mon! I'm 7 months pregnant, and you just gave me bad news! What am I SUPPOSED to do?! Laugh it off. Act Rationally?! HA!)
He talked me through it. He assured me that it wasn't somehow my fault. He listened. He sat there while I just bawled into the phone. He was amazing.
I honestly don't know what I would do without him.
After this is all said and done? And he and I reach the other side of this hormonal roller coaster that we've been on for 6 months now?
He totally deserves a Nobel Peace Prize or something. GIVE THE MAN A METAL!
And when I really sat here and thought about it, it's not that bad. I LOVE my nurse practitioner at the Community Clinic. I don't really feel cheated at all by my experience there, have never felt that I've received less than amazing care from them.
And? When I came back in and told the news to my boss, and she heard who my doctor was going to be? She told me this awful story about him, how one of her friends had an AWFUL experience with him, and had to 'fire' him, and find a new OB/GYN.
I don't want that. That's precisely what I was afraid of when they were gonna transfer me out.
I know there's a reason behind it all, and I'm probably just not able to see it yet.
In better news? I get to see my baby girl tomorrow. We have an ultrasound scheduled, to make sure they can see her heart.
I'm not going to stress about that. I choose not to.
I choose to revel in the fact that tomorrow at this time, I'll be looking at my baby girl again.
Little girl? Know that you are worth this, and so much more. I love you, so completely.
No comments:
Post a Comment