Positive thoughts...

OH MAH LAWD, I never wanted to be this tired again.
The first trimester ended, and a few weeks later, I was back to my spunky, high-energy self.



Alas, a resurgence of the awful Pregnancy Exhaustion has made me miserable. Only this time? I'm 25 pounds heavier, having awful heartburn (causing me to wake up in the night), I have a huge belly to take into account, and it just ain't easy to sleep any more.

How I loathe being tired.

No, seriously, Pregnancy. It's not my thing. I don't like it, it makes me mean, sometimes bitter, and more often than not, sarcastic as HELL. Can we, uhh... work on that?

But, I'm trying to remain positive. As positive as I can when all I want to do is crawl under my desk and pretend like I'm not at work. And that I can go to sleep if I good and goddamn well please.

A girl can dream...

Happy Thoughts for the day:

• It's Friday!
• Also: Payday!! (Money is already spent. Yay for being poor... Oh damn, that wasn't so positive...)
• My family is in town tonight! 
• For? MY BABY SHOWER tomorrow!
  I'm excited. Unfortunately, My Uncle and Aunt can't be there, because of a close family friend's funeral.
  But my grandmother, my mom, my dad and brother (who will be there later) will all be there. All for my daugther..
• Last night, Ed came home and woke me up. (He's not supposed to wake me up anymore. Maybe if I get really cranky from him waking me up every night and not letting me get enough sleep, he'll stop wanting to wake me up.)
  Anyway, we were lying there, just talking about our nights, mine, completely uneventful from the fact that I was SLEEPING before he got there...
  But he just wrapped up his slow night for me...
  
  He told me how much he loves me. And then asked if he could say hi to our baby girl... I rolled over, and he just sat there talking for a minute. Then he looked up at me. "I love her. I love her so much."
  
  I melted. He's not one to really express his emotions. And this is the first time he's told me how he feels about our daughter.
  
  That? Was an amazing moment.

Here's to an awesome weekend. Providing I can get some damn sleep. (*Shakes fist in air at Pregnancy)

Nothing you confess.. Could make me love you less...

I'll stand by you...
Won't let nobody hurt you...
I'll stand by you...
Take me in, into your darkest hour...
And I'll never desert you... I'll stand by you
I'll Stand By You - Glee

The best is yet to come...

We've been down one bumpy path.
Filled with twists and turns I couldn't have predicted a year ago.
8 months ago, I found the love of my life. 8 months ago, I realized my true love.
8 bumpy, crazy months ago, you became mine, and I became your's. Our hearts intertwined like the roots of a tree, never to know life separate again.

Nearly 7 months ago - from that love, that amazing, life-changing love - another love was created, though we had yet to truly discover it yet.
7 months ago, we created our beautiful baby girl.
7 months ago, a love so true, so pure, so deep and perfect spurred the only thing that could come out of something so beautiful.
And though we've yet to lay eyes on it, I know the truth of that beauty in my heart.

Through the past 7 months, we've had our up's, and we've had our down's.
In the past 7 months, you stood by my side as we listened to our precious baby's heartbeat for the first time.
You held my hand when we first saw her beautiful little silhouette dance across the blurry screen. And we both teared up, hand in hand.
You held me when I cried, and you remained firm in your love for me when hormones made it less than easy.
You were my rock through the more difficult and scary parts of this pregnancy, and my strength when fear of the unknown was too much for me to handle.

You've been so much more than my best friend. So much more than my lover.
You are my soul mate. Never in my life have I been so convinced of anything.
Never have I known anything to be more true.

We've held so many beautiful memories in these past 8 months. Memories that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. Experienced so much in so little a time.
These have been the greatest 8 months of my entire life.

But the little kicking girl in my belly reminds me, there is so much more to walk and experience. Together.
I can guarantee that there will be more bumps. And, knowing us, more unforeseen twists and turns.
But we will walk this path, this wonderful journey, this crazy adventure. Hand in hand. Forever in love.
Because, my dear...
The best is yet to come...

Gotta love them pregnancy dreams

Okay, so last night I had a dream about my baby girl.

I was sleeping pretty hard, as I often do lately because I am just SO. DAMN. TIRED. I wake up every few hours, but in between those few hours? I sleep so hard.
Anyway, so Ed came to bed and woke me up.
And trying to go back to sleep was nothing short of impossible.

(Oh, and when my alarm went off this morning? Layliana started jumping around. NO! It is NOT time to get up yet. That's just the first alarm. Oh well, I get her learned one day)

Anyway, so I was having a dream about her being born. And I pushed her out, and everything was just so hunky-dory. Seeing her face was magical. Holding her was everything I could have imagined and more.

And then we went home, kind of immediately. I remember thinking in my dream, Hmm, that's weird. They're sending us home kind of early. Must be because it was a vaginal birth. 

And Layliana was just soo... Well, the way I described it in my dream was that she was a 'little spitfire'. So ... what's the word? Rebellious. Yes. That's the word.
I remember distinctly blaming her father for that.

But she was beautiful. A beautiful, little, perfect angel.

And then she got smaller. It was weird.
In the beginning of the dream, I was taking her around to see everyone (Even her father, because for whatever reason, he wasn't there to see her be born. More on that later.) Anyway, I was taking her around to see everyone in a regular car seat.

But by the end of the dream? She was in this small, porcelain, heart-shaped box. She was TINY.
I would open up the little jewelry box, stuffed with gift stuffing paper, and her laying on top of all of it.

Ugh. That's actually kind of terrible, and I hated the dream.

Except when I held her, when I looked at her.

It just made it so apparent how much I am going to love her.

Weekend, why hast thou forsaken me?!

Well, this weekend was FLIPPIN' AWESOME.

I want it back. I want to go back, I miss it already.

So, You'll never guess what we did last night. By we, I mean me and Ed.
We slept together. Like, in the same bed. At the same time.

And? It was awesome! I slept really well. Well, as well as I can these days. (There's always too much tossing and turning for my taste. I think the days of sleeping really good are behind me.)

I woke up this morning, and got ready for work. And, I know this is weird, but I think he is totally adorable whenever he's sleeping. He's all snoring, and he just looks so damn comfy in whatever position he's in.

Anyway, point of the story is, he's STILL sleeping. He wanted me to call him at NOON to wake him up.
Boy's been sleeping since 11 last night!!
So unfair. I wish I could sleep that long anymore.

Wow, I am totally rambling today.

Happy Monday, y'all. 

We have an appointment with our Nurse today at the Community Clinic. Wish us luck.

Waiting to exhale...

ANNNNDD... RESULTS ARE:

Well, I don't exactly know yet. I'm pretty sure that everything's alright. My fluid levels, which were at an astoundingly high 32cm, have dropped to 21cm. Which, according to the internet, is well within the normal range.

I have yet to hear a confirmation from my nurse yet, so I'm going to wait to completely breathe my sigh of relief until I do.

But, much like my descent into fear last time, my acsent from it hasn't been sudden. I heard hear say the words, and like a cautious mother, I kept waiting for the bad news to come.
They told me I could leave, without really telling me if that meant I was all better or not, if there was any need to worry still.
As she dismissed us from the room, I kept looking at her, trying to find the words to ask her..
So, am I okay now? Is my baby going to be okay??
I refrained, partially because I knew that the sweet, little nurse-in-training wouldn't know any answers any more than I do.
I swear, they torture us. For fun.

But slowly, the realization that everything is back to normal is sinking in.
My brain is slowly, but surely being convinced that everything is okay. Everything is back to normal. It's okay. No need to suppress your fears any longer.
Nothing is wrong. Not anymore.

And it's only been a week since I found out. In some ways, it flew by. In some ways, it really didn't.
When you're confronted with the idea that something could be wrong with your child, in the manner and situation that I was, there's a small period of denial, then of complete and utter fear.
Then, I realized there was nothing I could do, literally. So, it was just the waiting game.

When this morning rolled around and I realized it was finally the day to find out if I was better or not, I could hardly contain myself. I was just so scared. For me, for her.
For the past week, the idea of an early deliver was always in the back of my mind, as it's at a higher risk when you have Polyhydramnios.

Now, I'm beginning to realize that she might actually stay in there the whole time. And, really, at 30 weeks, 10 more seems like SUCH a big number. Like, 10 is the biggest number there is. Ever. SUCH A LOONG TIME.
But with all the risks of having a child before I'm full term, the possibility that she would have to stay in the hospital even after we can leave, all of this has been floating through my mind. The possible... heartbreaks that our future would hold for some extra amniotic fluid. I would so much rather her stay in there as long as she damn well pleases.
I mean, 10 more weeks, compared to all of the risks and complications and fear that comes from birthing a premature baby?
Yeah... I'll take the 10 weeks.



As of today, there are 71 more days to go. Until I see her perfect little face.




And I am so happy that she really will be perfect.

Everything I do...

Tomorrow is our Ultrasound.
Part of me is excited. I mean, it's finally been a week since I've found out. I thought I'd never make it through this week. At least not without any nervous breakdowns.

In fact, all I've experienced is assurance. Not only from those that love me, friends mainly. But from myself... From her.

I felt her hiccuping yesterday. And, if she had problems swallowing, she wouldn't be hiccuping, right?

I don't know.. Maybe it's just me trying to comfort myself, with no real medical knowledge.

I just know everything's alright. I know she's perfect. I can feel it, in my heart.

The main thing I'm dreading is that if I am diagnosed with Hydramnios, then that could mean post-postpartum hemorrhaging, problems with the placenta, pre-term labor, etc.

I'm nervous for all of those outcomes. I don't really want any of them. I don't want to BLEED. I mean, I've heard I'm already going to anyway. A LOT. I don't want to bleed MORE.


But don't get me wrong, I would take all of them (except maybe the preterm labor) if it means that my little girl is still perfect.

I would take a thousand awful postpartum complications, if it means that she'll be okay.

All I need is that face. (In this picture, she totally has my face shape, have yet to see her face lately though.)

I just need to take a look at that beautiful face, and know why I do it. Why I would go through any of it.
For my little girl.

Never would I leave your side, never would I let a day go without you knowing how deeply you are loved. I could sacrifice anything, just for you. My sweet, baby girl.

I was going to post yesterday about our first child birthing class.

Well, it was a great plan. I sat down to write it, not one. Not two. But THREE times.

Did it ever get done? Naaah.


It went great, by the way. Thanks for asking.

The instructor is this lady who has been involved with child-birth - either through being a nurse, lactation consultant, etc - for her entire career. And she's been teaching child birthing classes for 9 years.

I love her. Her philosophy towards child-birth is my philosophy towards child-birth, I just didn't know how to say it.

She thinks that an epidural is fine during labor/delivery. But she said, and I quote, "I want it to be a tool for labor and delivery. Not your savior from it."

Hell yeah!

Here's my thinking on it:
I am woman. My body has been specifically designed to do this. I want experience the same thing that women have been experiencing for generations before this. I don't want to take drugs to escape that experience.
Now, I want an epidural... eventually. Just not immediately. I want to go through some pain. But when it gets too much for me, I want to know that I have options available to me. Basically, I want to have kids after this. And I don't want this first one to be so bad that I'm running for the hills at any mention of child-birth.

The other thing I was impressed with?
Ed.

He was amazing. He is going to be such a doting coach/partner during the whole thing. I can just tell already.
And while I know he thought the class was boring, he was a good sport about it and didn't fall asleep once. ;-)

Friday, we go back in for another ultrasound to check out my fluid levels.

Please, anyone out there on these vast internets, please keep me and my little girl in your thoughts. I want everything to be alllll better. I want my fluid to be stabilized.

I felt her hiccup today. For possibly the first, maybe the 2nd time. I swear, I wanted to cry.
(One cause of Hydramnios is her having a problem with swallowing. And if you're hiccuping, you're swallowing, right? I was getting worried when I was approaching week 30, and hadn't felt her hiccup.)

So yes, keep us in your thoughts all week. But mainly on Friday... Around 11am.

This too shall pass...

After a really, really, incredibly bad end of the week last week, I surprisingly had an amazing weekend.
I woke up on Saturday morning, refreshed and ready to be positive.

Sure there still are things, scary, questionable things that make me nervous. But my stress is only going to hurt me, my baby, and it was also starting to affect my wonderful boyfriend.
He takes so much away from me, does so much, is so strong for us both. I sincerely do not know what I would do without him, without his unconditional love.

But this weekend... Ooooh... This weekend was exactly what I needed.
I wasn't even sad to see it end, it was just too perfect for it to go on forever.

Saturday, I got my hair cut. Then, we sat around and played video games for most of the day, until he had to go to work. Which... I'll be honest, was AWWWWESOME. I had so much fun! Just having him around, being able to lean over and kiss him whenever I damn well felt like it... It's amazing how much you can take for granted.

Yesterday was my really good, and pregnant, friend Jenny's baby shower. I was excited, and it was awesome seeing her.
It's hard to believe in nearly a month, her sweet little boy will be coming out to greet the world. Who, hopefully, doesn't let us down and actually does have the most nomm-iest cheeks, like his 4-D Ultrasound suggests.

Then, shortly after getting home from that, Ed lets me know that we were invited out for bowling. At first, I was kind of peeved. I'd misunderstood him, and I was annoyed because I finally, FINALLY get to enjoy a Sunday off with my wonderful man-friend, and he's goes off with friends to go out to eat and bowl. What the eff?!?!
Turns out, I was invited too. (I was pretty much going, either freakin' way. Hah..)

And we had soooo much fun. Zoh. Mah. Googles. They got to play 'Lazer' tag, and bowl. I just sat back, and enjoyed watching everyone else make fool out of themselves. But I had a LOT of fun.
And Ed got to take advantage, yet again, of his guaranteed sober driver. :-) (For at least a few more months!)
Oh well, He's so good to me, I'm just happy when I can give back to him.

As it turns out, I'm quite the fan of him.

And, I'm pretty sure he's pretty fond of me as well. Don't think he'll be kicking me to the curb any time soon. :-)

Two weeks from this weekend marks my baby shower. This is exciting. I have had so many people that want to come out and support me, and our precious soon-to-be daughter.

Oh, by the way. It's April 19th. (Happy Birthday, yesterday, Dad!)

And a while ago, I wondered aloud as I surveyed the deadened grass and trees over a wintery Northwest Arkansas valley. I see this valley every day, and I pondered what it would be like to look at it months from now, and see it all green, and know that my little girl was so much closer.

Of course, it's only April, but it's totally green. (I didn't take a before, cuz who the hell thinks about that?!)

Anyway, it has been months since I've pondered this, and I only have 2 1/2 months left in my pregnancy.
It's very scary. And this only serves as a reminder every day, that her arrival is ever imminent.

That green enough for ya? Eeek. Scary!

Pretty soon, it'll be so hot outside that I'll be wishing I could jump in a pool. And THEN? It's another month 'til she's here.
I need all the time I can get, at this point. We still have to get her nursery set up, get her crib built, etc, etc. But, really? I am just so ready to hold her, to kiss her. Hell, even just to meet her.

Ahh... What a day that will be...

The good side of bad...

I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter... That I'm actually not missing out on anything. That everything will be fine, that I'm getting the same care that I would anywhere else, even if I did have insurance/money.

It's just disappointing.

I got some bad news this morning. The Clinic that I've been going to? The one for poor people who go there when they don't have money and are waiting on Medicaid and to be transferred out?

And nobody stays there 'til they are full term? Yeah. That one?

They will be seeing ME until I'm full term.

The Women's Health Clinic that I was going to go to actually 'made a mistake', and that appointment that I thought I had, I didn't, and when they tried to reschedule it, it wouldn't be for another 6 weeks, and OF COURSE I would be too far along by then to start seeing a BRAND NEW doctor.

What does that mean? Community Clinic for me until my precious little girl is born.

Oh, and that a stranger, whom I've never met, will be delivering my baby.

It took me an hour after hearing this news to calm down and realize that it's really not as bad as I think it is. And to not cry whenever I thought about it.

It just doesn't seem fair. I want the best for my little girl, for this pregnancy, and here we are, having to struggle so much because we simply do not have $10,000 to give birth to a baby!

It's very frustrating, to say the least. The stigma that's placed on women with Medicaid isn't right. We get treated differently, and I would almost be willing to bet that's what happened here.
Sometimes, Life just isn't fair.

And the moment I hold that precious little baby girl in my arms? I know the last thing from my mind will be how we got here, to this moment. (Or really anything other than that little bundle of amazing-ness)

And... Thank the UNIVERSE for Ed.
I called him after I got off the phone, and I was just bawling. Uncontrollably. (I mean, c'mon! I'm 7 months pregnant, and you just gave me bad news! What am I SUPPOSED to do?! Laugh it off. Act Rationally?! HA!)

He talked me through it. He assured me that it wasn't somehow my fault. He listened. He sat there while I just bawled into the phone. He was amazing.
I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

After this is all said and done? And he and I reach the other side of this hormonal roller coaster that we've been on for 6 months now?
He totally deserves a Nobel Peace Prize or something. GIVE THE MAN A METAL!

And when I really sat here and thought about it, it's not that bad. I LOVE my nurse practitioner at the Community Clinic. I don't really feel cheated at all by my experience there, have never felt that I've received less than amazing care from them.
And? When I came back in and told the news to my boss, and she heard who my doctor was going to be? She told me this awful story about him, how one of her friends had an AWFUL experience with him, and had to 'fire' him, and find a new OB/GYN.
I don't want that. That's precisely what I was afraid of when they were gonna transfer me out.
I know there's a reason behind it all, and I'm probably just not able to see it yet.

In better news? I get to see my baby girl tomorrow. We have an ultrasound scheduled, to make sure they can see her heart.
I'm not going to stress about that. I choose not to.
I choose to revel in the fact that tomorrow at this time, I'll be looking at my baby girl again.

Little girl? Know that you are worth this, and so much more. I love you, so completely.

You are cordially invited...

I got the invites officially filled out today. It took (what SEEMED) like forever.

BUT! Lo, there was an end!


And, somehow, her arrival is seeming incredibly close!

I really like them. Thanks to Ed's mom, she totally found the PERFECT invite for me. And we both had to work so hard to get them to come out right! (Wouldn't ya know it... Printer problems. Ugh.)

But they go out tomorrow, and I am one happy preggo! Hell, my shower is in 2 1/2 weeks!

Scary dreams and cold mornings...

Last night, I woke up out of a deep sleep.
I'd been having probably the most scary, and longest, nightmare of my entire life.
Filled with graphic violence, people chasing me, rapists, murderers, monsters. The whole nightmare she-bang.

I woke up was too scared to even look around the room. I managed to get my phone, and call Ed, since he was still at work.

I sent him 2 texts and called him. No answer.
I braved it, and went to pee. Facing my fears didn't make me any less scared.
Neither did leaving the bathroom light on.

Every terrible scenario was going through my head. I needed my boyfriend. And I needed him quick.

By the time he got home, I'd managed to fall asleep facing the TV. That way, whenever I opened up my eyes, I could see if there was someone in front of me and behind me (by the reflection in the T.V.)

It was such an awful feeling. And I couldn't shake it. I just felt like something awful had happened.
The second Ed and I laid down after he got home, I was instantly able to fall asleep.

It's so nice having a big, strong man to snuggle up against. Even if it is for only a couple of hours.

Preggo dreams? Can seem SOO real.

You're too cute...

Update:

This little girl? The one that is ever so steadily getting bigger and making time SPEED up until her arrival?

I friggin' love her.

This morning, we played a game. A game called, "Look! Mommy can do that too!"

She was going NUTZO in my belly. Just WEE! Over here, and then a WEE!!! Over there... WEE!'ing all over the place.

So, I poked her. No hard or anything, just to the point that I think she could feel me. And I did it repeatedly.

Poke. Poke Poke. Poke pokepokepoke.
And then I would giggle to myself, because messing with your daughter? TOTALLY fun. Just sayin'.

Then I starting a song thing to the pokes.
"Imma poke you over here, now!"
Poke. Poke. Pokepokepokepoke.
"Now, Imma poke you over .... HERE, now!"
Poke. Poke poke pokepokepokepoke.
(Snickering to self.)

It was surprisingly fun. And even more surprising?

She actually has quieted down. (But now that I say that, she's gonna do that thing where she purposefully does the opposite of what I said she was doing, making me look like a complete fool. Oh well, suppose I should get used to it. Hehe.)

Hi, I'm Complainy McComplainer-pants. Nice to meet you.

Or, you can also call me, Hacky McCougher-son.
I mean, my boyfriend does.

I r sick. I don't feel well. My face hurts. My eyes hurt. My nose is runny, and I think I've got enough mucus in my respiratory system to power China for YEARS. (Talk about alternative fuel!)

I know this is the last leg of the Evil Illness that has plagued me for DAYS now, but that doesn't make it suck any less.

In other, non-complaining news:
I have a confession. Yesterday/This morning, I got a little scared.

See, in preparation for moving our tons o' crap, we had to bomb our old apartment for (Ewwwww!) roaches, in order to not take them with us. (If our landlord had just sprayed, ya know.. EVER, this wouldn't be such a HUGE hassle for us. Anyway, I digress..)

So, we set off a fumigator. Scratch that. We set off TWO fumigators that should have been able to cover 14,000 square feet. In our 500 square feet apartment.
Now, I'm no mathematician, but that's uhh, I dunno... a PRETTY EFFING GOOD ratio there.
In our minds, it was a done deal. Spray, let it set for a few hours. Voila. No. More. DAMN. Bugs.

Upon return to the apartment from HELL, it was quickly discovered that not only had the two fumigators not killed all the bugs, it hadn't killed ANY.
They were walking around. Flippin' us the bird as they were crawling around, as if to say, "PshAAHH. Ya cain't git rid of us, vatos."

Well, since the roaches survived, and after letting the apartment air out for a good 20-30 minutes, I waltzed back inside. Thinking that if it didn't even harm the roaches, it surely can't hurt me or the baby too bad.
I mean, I was careful. I made sure to get some air every 5-10 minutes, and if I was feeling dizzy, I'd go outside until I felt better.
Well, it wasn't until around 11pm last night that I realized that my little, precious, baby girl (whom I am so careful for that I don't even touch alcohol, even when they tell me I can have a glass of wine) hadn't moved since we'd returned back to the house.

Oh... What a great feeling, lemme tell YOU!

I never freaked out, but I did mention it to Ed.

Something along the lines of, Uhh.. Babe? You don't think....
He said nah. That by the time I really spent any time in there, there wasn't any poison left anyway. And if I did inhale anything, it was probably only enough to make her 'docile' (Ahh! My baby girl, docile because of some roaches)

And it's not like I wasn't feeling her at all. She was just a LOT quieter than she normally is.
And it extended to this morning. She was definitely still kicking and twitching and rolling around, just not as much.

I can't explain it, but I knew everything was alright... Just, being a first time mom, this little girl is my life. And I just wanted to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was okay.
And she can't tell me, "Yeah, Mom. Geez. Take a chill pill."
So, I was worried.

Well, Let me tell you, that this little girl LOVES to prove me wrong. Last night, while in mid-conversation about her lack of moving, she went and moved.
And right now? She hasn't stopped moving since I started typing this post.

'Cause she's 'cute' like that.

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives

Waking up next to him, still the greatest feeling ever.
Waking up next to him for the last time in this crappy, roach-infested apartment?
Might actually be better.

We have a huge day ahead of us. Tomorrow, I'm going to HAAATE going to work, seeing as how I'll probably be worn out from head to toe.

Weird pregnancy thing that happened yesterday?
Our current 'roommate' had his baby over yesterday. I've held him while he fell asleep before, no big deal. So, I was doing this yesterday, and the boob that was closest to his head started leaking colostrum. Normally it does it while I sleep, or random times during the day. This is the first time that I could tell that it was because of someTHING.
It was a weird feeling, first because my boob was reacting to the fact that there was a little one around. It was like, "COOL. I get to try out this new thing I learned!"
But, Sadly, I was like, "No! Bad boob! This ain't mine! Fall Back! RETREAT!"
So, boob got mad at me, and is now INCREDIBLY sore.
Now, I wish my kid was here just to 'drink' from it and make it STOP HURTING SO DAMN BAD!
I mean, it's painful. Incredibly so.

It also showed me something else. I can't WAIT to nurse my baby girl. Have her resting against my chest, watching her fall asleep in my arms. I cannot freaking wait. I really hope everything goes right, but if yesterday was any indication? My boobs are totally ready for this.

Today, as I've stated before, we start the moving process. Which will help the feeling that we're completely unprepared for her ever-nearing arrival.
Which means, soon? I can start GETTING HER NURSERY READY.
Eee! I'm so excited!

Happy Easter. Today, we're going over to Nini's house for Easter dinner. It's been a while since she's seen me, and I know I'm a lot bigger than I was last time. :-)

Aaand, another (week) one bites the dust.

Sometimes I just want to peek inside of my belly and find out exactly what it is that she's doing in there.


What in the? Is she trying to get her foot in her mouth?
Is she purposefully tap dancing on my ribs?
Why does it feel like her head is all of the sudden up here instead of down there, where it was 5 minutes ago.
Woah, that felt like a cell phone going off in my uterus. What the --?

And then I just stop asking. Because it ain't like she's gonna tell me. She's stubborn like that. (Already taking after her daddy a little too much for my comfort. Hehe.)

But I always feel so happy to feel her. There are a lot of women out there who can't feel this, who can never feel this. The sensations and emotions that encompass carrying your own child. One that you love with every inch of your heart.

And I know how lucky I am... She doesn't even know it yet, but she's changed my life. Hell, she's changed me. I no longer think like the single female that I was a year ago. I am a mommy. And I have a baby and husband to think about.
All because two people fell in love, and created an amazing little girl.
She's changed a lot of people's lives.
She doesn't know how many people already think she's just the freaking greatest thing ever. Even better than sliced bread. She has no clue how many people love her so much already, how many people are willing to do anything for this little being that's currently residing in my stomach.

And she's made me the luckiest girl in the whole world...

And in 3 months, there will be a little girl officially come into our lives. Ed and I will learn and cope and our relationship will change so much
And in some ways, that's terrifying. I think the real, actual reality is hitting, and I can some-what see what's going to happen.
And, It's downright scary sometimes. But?

It's also the single most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. And I get to do it with my best friend, Ed. We get to enter, together, the greatest experience life has to offer, being the strength for each other. Growing and loving, together.

So, Week twenty-seven? Yeah. I'm ready for you. 

From my head down to my toes.

So, there are a few things I want to write about today.

My week 26 summary. How my day went, how beautiful the weather is. Hell, even April Fool's.

But alas, I feel like poo. I think the problem is I'm tired. And that I might be coming down with something. Or the fact that I'm pregnant, and every thing hurts worse when pregnant. (I can't even run anymore.)

Today I had lunch with two girls that mean so much to me. I didn't realize how much I missed them until we sat down for lunch and started gabbing.

They really are awesome. And exactly what I need right now.

There will be a better update tomorrow. Possibly with some baby talk. I dunno... I can't even think straight right now.

Here's to not getting sick...