Sweet Dreams..

My daughter is 8 months old. Up until this week, she hadn't been sleeping.. Well, at all. Nothing except 3 hour stretches. And I don't call 3 hour stretches sleeping!

I'd tried everything. I'd looked to everyone I knew for advice. I'd done the routine every night. She only took one nap, and she was already able to go to sleep without a bottle in her mouth! Which was a huge accomplishment. But STILL! Nothing!

Still... Every. Three. Hours.

I called a friend, as a last resort. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, or not doing. Why was my baby unable to sleep through the night like every other baby I know! Even the ones that are far younger than she.

I owe this girl lunch someday, seriously. She just suggested a couple of things. Feed her an oatmeal bottle right before bed. Another friend suggested a cold bottle when she wakes up. And don't pick her up. If you have to change her, leave her in the crib. Which I'd tried briefly before, but didn't seem to make one lick of difference, so I stopped.

The first night, when she woke up less than 3 hours after I'd put her down, I texted Ed, bawling. Here I was, trying so hard, doing everything I can possibly think of to do... And I can't even get 3 hours! Are you kidding me?!
I was so discouraged. So frustrated. But my friend, Shawna, and Ed talked me down. Encouraged me to keep it up...

That night, after she woke up, she slept for 7 hours straight. The two nights after that, it was 6 hours. Then, last night, it was 9 hours!!

Hall-AY-FREAKING-lujah.

I had gone to bed early, so therefore, when she woke up at midnight, I was unable to succumb to slumber for another 3 hours. But when I finally did, I ended up getting 6 straight hours of sleep. SIX. As in, an almost normal amount!*

After 8 months of waking up at least once every night (even when I didn't have her.), I finally have a child that sleeps all night. I mean, would 10 or 12 hours be better? Of course. But as hard as I've fought for 6 or 9, I'm taking it! 

My advice to any mother is don't wait to sleep train your baby. I was struggling with depression. I wasn't strong enough to sleep train her months ago, and it was that much harder for me when I was strong enough. She was set in the habit of waking up, and of course, breaking a bad habit is harder than setting a good one.

*Sorry for all the exclamation points in this post. You just have no idea how long I've waited for this.

I could say...

When I was 22, I was involved with someone, in a situation that was bad for me. Really bad for me... I made terrible decisions, and I suffered for them. To this day, this person remains the only thing in my life that I regret, that I would go back and undo.

When I broke this person's heart, because I'd finally come to my senses, he sent me this song. It made me feel selfish, which maybe I was... But maybe I finally needed to be.

Almost 3 years later, I am so much a different person. I could never do the things that I did back then. I would never let someone control me the way I let him control and manipulate me.

More so, I know who I am...
I am Becca. I am... Strong, when I want to be. I will stand up for myself, but I pick my battles. Most of the time, I'd rather say you're right than continue fighting. I love laughing. I am totally into yoga. I am sometimes a huge bitch, especially if I've been consuming alcohol.

I am a mother. And a damn good one. I have finally found my soul mate. And he's a damn good father. He makes me a better person.

And I would never let someone make me feel like he did. So cruel for doing what was right for me...

This person contacted me recently... Said he saw me and my daughter. Commented on how happy I looked...
And I am. Because I choose who gets to be in my life. And I choose good people. Supportive people. People who love me for who I am...

And that doesn't include someone like you.

Hard and tough decisions

Today I had to 'unfriend' an old friend on Facebook. Silly, I know. (OOO, You unfriended someone on Facebook.) Big fucking deal.

But it really was... This person was someone I used to call a friend. My best friend, even. For me, 'friend' isn't a temporary title. I don't let people in all that easily. I don't care for someone and then just... stop.

Apparently this is a rare trait.

I have become, for some inexplicable reason, the target for her misery. You see, I've been in a constant battle with depression ever since I had my daughter. I treasure every happy moment I have, because I've known too many days, weeks even, that I didn't know very many of them.
But, as the old saying goes, 'Misery loves company.' And this person was trying to cut me down, for the smallest things.

She can hate on me all she wants. She can judge and berate me for every little decision I make. But that doesn't mean that I have to sit there and take it. I don't have a very large group of friends, because I don't keep many acquaintances.  And I definitely don't make it a habit to keep negative people around me.
I have enough shit to deal with. I try and make smart decisions about who I keep company with people that build me up. People that love me, and care about me. Not people who make it a habit of cutting me down.

I'm sorry. There was a point in time when I truly cared about you. And it breaks my heart to know that those days may never return.
I wish it didn't have to be so.

Good bye.