Some random story that I'm pretty sure no one cares about other than me.

Our sweet Layli-girl spent the night at Aunt Danielle's last night. Which, seeing as how I've been on non-stop mommy duty since she dropped her off on Monday afternoon, I was very grateful. Plus, I got to hang out with some completely awesome people. Well, and get completely sh-mammered. What else would a mommy do on a night off??


I had the option of letting her stay over there tonight as well. But as soon as Ed dropped me off from the bar, I was guilt-ridden and going through Layli-withdraws. It was awful.
I think I even cried. (I r pathetic. )

It's weird how much I can miss that little crying, poop machine. ;-)

I got to Danielle's house today, and she was asleep, but immediately woke up. Cranky and obviously hungry. I think if she could, she would eat her hands. But, luckily for us, they're too big to fit in her mouth.

So, I made her a bottle, and she ate the entire damn thing. Girl was HON-GREH. She never just sits there and eats. She will take an hour to eat a whole bottle. (It's quite frustrating, but when I approached the pediatrician about this, he was like, welll, she doesn't have a weight problem. So, uhhh, why are you worried again?? And what exactly do you want me to do about it?? THANKS FOR THE HELP, DOC. At least I ain't payin' you. (Good ole Uncle Sam) )

Wait, what was I talking about again??

Oh yeah, so I packed her up and headed home. At three o'clock.
CHILD STAYED ASLEEP UNTIL 7pm!!

At which point she woke up, and proceeded to scream at us for an hour. I mean, pissed off, cannot-and-will not-be-happy-DON'T-EVEN-TRY-WOMAN type screaming.

But she was apparently a little angel for Aunt Danielle.

Because, of course she was.

Even slept through the night for her.
Because, of course she did.

WHAT'S THE SECRET HERE? Shot of rum in the formula? Sleeping pills?? Continuous drops on the head until she finally 'goes to sleep'. Are you 'putting her to sleep' via a choke hold?? I must know her methods!!

And, well, she's passed out again. At 9pm.

I'll take it. After an hour of being screamed at... I'll take it. I would much rather a sleeping angel than a pissed off baby with a screaming fetish.

O HAI.

So, I suppose I should update this damn thing. You see, being a mother takes away a lot of energy and time for a lot of things. Whoda thunk it, right?

Anyway, sweet Layliana is most definitely here. In her almost 10 week-old glory. She's beautiful, and perfect. And just about the most wonderful thing on this planet.

Before I had her, I tried to ask all the moms I knew about what their first moment was when they saw their child. I heard a lot of different reactions. From one mom who was terrified of her child for the first few hours, to some moms who were indifferent. Some moms were relieved...

I guess I was trying to know... Trying to predict what my moment would look like.

The moment they sat her on my chest, I was... In love. I was captivated. All I could do was touch her and tell her, "Hi, Beautiful"
She was the single most beautiful thing I'd ever seen up to this point in my life.

And she's such a joy. We're both so in love, though I think I'm a little more head over heels for her at this point. Daddy still thinks she's more of a pain right now. Just wait until her personality really starts to shine and he'll be a goner!

Everyday we just sit there for as long as she'll let me, and just smile and laugh and be in the greatest mood. It's so amazing to see her. To watch her grow every day.

Life hasn't been easy since she arrived. It's not just the stress of a new baby, there's stresses on our relationship, and my battle with Postpartum depression.

After I stopped breast-feeding, I sank so low. I should have known right away that it was more than 'baby blues'. But I didn't. At my 6-week postpartum appointment, I asked the doctor for some medicinal help.

It's been 3+ weeks since I started taking it, and it's finally started to kick in. My hormonal insecurities that were eating at my relationship have all but disappeared.
And truthfully? It feels amazing not to be depressed anymore. It hurt so bad. I'm finally getting back to a point where I feel better than I think I ever have in my entire life. (For the most part, I've always battled hormones.)

My sweet baby girl has given me a reason to work on myself. I want to be a better person, a better mommy, for her. She's honestly the light of my life, and my future husband is my world.

This family ain't perfect. We have laundry that piles up that I think I will be working to diminish for the rest of my life. We have dirty dishes in the sink and I don't think I've taken a shower today. (Totally on my list though! ;-) )

But I love this little family. So completely. I've changed from the girl that I was almost a year and a half ago. I'm a mommy now. I'm a woman.
And for the first time, in probably ever, I love myself. I love my life.

Thank you, Layliana. For giving me so much more than you will ever know...