O HAI.

So, I suppose I should update this damn thing. You see, being a mother takes away a lot of energy and time for a lot of things. Whoda thunk it, right?

Anyway, sweet Layliana is most definitely here. In her almost 10 week-old glory. She's beautiful, and perfect. And just about the most wonderful thing on this planet.

Before I had her, I tried to ask all the moms I knew about what their first moment was when they saw their child. I heard a lot of different reactions. From one mom who was terrified of her child for the first few hours, to some moms who were indifferent. Some moms were relieved...

I guess I was trying to know... Trying to predict what my moment would look like.

The moment they sat her on my chest, I was... In love. I was captivated. All I could do was touch her and tell her, "Hi, Beautiful"
She was the single most beautiful thing I'd ever seen up to this point in my life.

And she's such a joy. We're both so in love, though I think I'm a little more head over heels for her at this point. Daddy still thinks she's more of a pain right now. Just wait until her personality really starts to shine and he'll be a goner!

Everyday we just sit there for as long as she'll let me, and just smile and laugh and be in the greatest mood. It's so amazing to see her. To watch her grow every day.

Life hasn't been easy since she arrived. It's not just the stress of a new baby, there's stresses on our relationship, and my battle with Postpartum depression.

After I stopped breast-feeding, I sank so low. I should have known right away that it was more than 'baby blues'. But I didn't. At my 6-week postpartum appointment, I asked the doctor for some medicinal help.

It's been 3+ weeks since I started taking it, and it's finally started to kick in. My hormonal insecurities that were eating at my relationship have all but disappeared.
And truthfully? It feels amazing not to be depressed anymore. It hurt so bad. I'm finally getting back to a point where I feel better than I think I ever have in my entire life. (For the most part, I've always battled hormones.)

My sweet baby girl has given me a reason to work on myself. I want to be a better person, a better mommy, for her. She's honestly the light of my life, and my future husband is my world.

This family ain't perfect. We have laundry that piles up that I think I will be working to diminish for the rest of my life. We have dirty dishes in the sink and I don't think I've taken a shower today. (Totally on my list though! ;-) )

But I love this little family. So completely. I've changed from the girl that I was almost a year and a half ago. I'm a mommy now. I'm a woman.
And for the first time, in probably ever, I love myself. I love my life.

Thank you, Layliana. For giving me so much more than you will ever know...