Focus on the good.

No. I will not focus on last night. On the fact that I spent 5 hours in a place where no 7 1/2 month pregnant chick should be.
I will not focus on the fact that if I had been there any longer, I might have actually gone into labor.

I will not focus on the fact that I slept alone last night, or the fact that I got frustrated with my cat, and kicked him out of the house to go play. And when he didn't come back by the time I went to bed, I just forgot about him. And when he did show back up this morning, he had a huge gash on his face.

I will not focus on how that makes me a bad mom. Or how, if I can't even take care of my cat, in the hell is someone going to entrust me with the safety of a newborn?!

I will instead focus on how when I did leave the hellish place, the one person I wanted was Ed. His face, his embrace. His kisses. Everything was what I needed at that moment. I finally felt safe again.
Even though he did leave to spend the night (It was a party that they'd been planning for a couple of weeks. I couldn't tear him away from it because I didn't want to be alone. I'm not 5. I'm about to have a baby, and I need to grow up and be more independent.)

I'm going to focus on the text I got from him last night, the one where he said he misses me? And wishes I was there? The one that jolted me out of a dream about aforementioned 'hellish place', and put a smile on my face. A text that after receiving, I was sent back into dreamland with positive, loving thoughts. Because of a text from the right person.

The right person. And he so is. The right one for me. The man who wants to fight for me. Who gets scared for me, who loves me with all of himself.

I will also choose to focus on the beautiful day outside.
The sun shining brightly.
The birds that are singing right outside my window as I work.
And my daughter.
Who is now head down, again. (Though, not to jinx anything here..)
Who is my motivation. When I was in said hellish place, one thought kept running through my head. And from that one thought, I found more strength than I ever knew I had. "Be strong... Be strong for her."

I haven't completely repaired physically from the little jaunt into 'hellish place'. My back is still in enormous amounts of pain, and I'm having more contractions that I'm comfortable with.
But I'm out. I'm here. With the freedom to choose to focus on the beautiful things.
With the the choice to be strong, for my daugther.
With the ability to love a man who is more beautiful than all the stars in a midnight sky.

Because, though I mess up. I stumble, I fall. I get tripped by bullshit in life,
I am still a strong woman, as long as I make the right choices.