Done.

Oh, god. I'm totally that girl. That blogger girl who only blogs when she has something to complain about.

Ugh. How awful of me.

Yet, here I am again!
I think I'm getting sick.

Why would I think this, you say? (Thank you for indulging me. This post wouldn't have gone very far without that...)
Well, I took the H1N1 vaccine.

What in the hell was I thinking? WAS I thinking? Shit, did I put on deodorant this morning?


Well, strangely enough, the vaccine has made me completely miserable.

If it's possible, in the 24 hours since I took it, I've been more hormonal. I've cried 3 times. Just all out bawl-fests.
Right after they gave it to me, I thought it could just be in my head, but I was really loopy. Like, not thinking straight... I "Shhh'd" my pizza at CiCi's yesterday, instead of blowing on it. And then I proceeded to laugh about it for like 2 minutes afterwards.
And it wasn't even that funny.

And every part of my body hurts. My wrists hurt. My neck hurts. My back, my legs, damn, even my eyeballs hurt.

Oh, and I got in trouble at work this morning. You see, they're telling me that I need to watch my cell phone usage during work. And my internet surfing. (Oops.)

I knew it was coming, but I also got two really emotionally-draining emails last night, which sent me into a whirlwind of emotional downfall. I cried for like a damn hour. Until I fell asleep, no joke.
I cried myself to sleep. Haven't done that since I was a young'n.

I think this week needs to end. I'm done with it. It's been a crappy week, and I want a new one! I also want to throw up my hands and be done with everything right now. I'm just DONE. Don't ask any more of me, cuz I will scream at you, then I will cry. Hysterically.

I'm a mess.

Whore-monal

I wish I could be basking in this weekend.
In how much fun I had, how wonderful it was to see friends and family. To spend time with them. To have them all there supporting me, my boyfriend, and my daugther.
And how loved I felt.

I wish I could be reminiscing on all of that.

Or how great it felt to put her swing together last night.
How great it feels to say that if she were born right now, whenever she got to come home? She would at least have a place to sleep, sheets to lay on, and a swing for us to rock her in. Something I couldn't have said last Friday.


Or I wish I could talk about how great it was to see Ed excited to start painting her room last night. He got all the primer up in about an hour. DAMN, he's good.


Because that's what I want to feel this morning. Happy. Loved. Proud. Excited.


What do I actually feel?

Sad. Heart-broken, a little. Disappointed in myself. Insecure. Unloved.
And the list just goes on...

I know 99% of it is hormones. Stupid hormones making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Oh, and that fight I had with Ed last night didn't help. And the fact that he ran off to go drink while I fell asleep doesn't help. And the e-mail that I got from my dad this morning that made me cry... Yeah, doesn't help EITHER.
Oh, and the fact that I got about 5 hours of sleep doesn't help in me dealing with it all.

I can't deal with my hormones on no sleep. I just can't do it. They take over me, and I am subject to them.

And, like I said, the fight that Ed and I had last night... It wasn't an awful fight. Just... things were said that hurt my feelings. And yesterday, it kind of felt like he was kind of distant.
I know so much of it is spurred by the insecurities that I feel whenever I'm 1.) Unbelievably hormonal, and 2.) Tired as hell.


I wish it wasn't so hard....

From my head down to my toes.

So, there are a few things I want to write about today.

My week 26 summary. How my day went, how beautiful the weather is. Hell, even April Fool's.

But alas, I feel like poo. I think the problem is I'm tired. And that I might be coming down with something. Or the fact that I'm pregnant, and every thing hurts worse when pregnant. (I can't even run anymore.)

Today I had lunch with two girls that mean so much to me. I didn't realize how much I missed them until we sat down for lunch and started gabbing.

They really are awesome. And exactly what I need right now.

There will be a better update tomorrow. Possibly with some baby talk. I dunno... I can't even think straight right now.

Here's to not getting sick...